Cara Delevingne has been sober for four months after seeking drug treatment last year.
The British model and actress opened up about her overhaul of her personal life in vogueApril cover. THE suicide squad star, who is now in a 12-step recovery program amid substance and alcohol abuse, admitted ‘I was not well’ last year, and said these paparazzi photos of disheveled, shoeless at Van Nuys airport in Los Angeles in September, were a wake-up call she’s “grateful for”.
“The way I lived was not sustainable,” Delevingne told the outlet.
Delevingne had a long-standing reputation for partying, but last summer she took things to the max. A three-week vacation to Ibiza culminated when she organized herself in August by throwing an elaborate Alice in Wonderland-themed 30th birthday party. This was followed by a trip to the Black Rock desert in Nevada for Burning Man.
“I decided I was going to party as hard as I could because it was the end of it,” she said, telling herself that at 30 — which she lit on August 12 — she was going to reduce her consumption. “I’ve decided…I’m going to go crazy, in a fun way.”
But what amused him worried those around him. “There’s an element of feeling invincible when I’m on drugs,” she said, without specifically mentioning the substances she used. “I put myself in danger in those times because I don’t care about my life. I would climb anything and jump from anything,” she said, noting that she would be covered in bruises. “It was wild. It’s a scary thing for the people around you who love you.”
Photos of her – with wild hair while wearing a Britney Spears t-shirt, tracksuit and socks and acting erratically – were posted in early September and quickly went viral amid concerns over her well-being.
“I hadn’t slept. I wasn’t well,” she admitted. “It’s heartbreaking because I thought I was having fun, but at some point it was like, OK, I don’t look good. You know, sometimes you need a confrontation with reality, so in a way, those photos were something to be grateful for.”
She said: “All I knew was that if I kept going down the road I was on, I would either end up dying or do something really, really stupid. It was scary.”
Delevingne “had interventions of sorts” before but “wasn’t ready,” she said. However, in the fall, “I really was.” She checked into rehab late last year to confront her demons, including battling “self-hatred”, and has since embarked on a 12-step program.
“Before, I was always in the quick fix of healing, going to a week-long retreat or a trauma course, let’s say, and it helped for a minute, but it never really reached the deep, the deeper stuff,” said Delevingne, who grew up with a mother who struggled with mental illness and addiction. “This time I realized that the 12-step treatment was the best thing, and it was about not being ashamed of it. The community made a huge difference. The opposite of addiction is connection, and I really found it in 12 steps.”
She said going to therapy, which she hadn’t had in three years before going to treatment, was also key, especially psychodrama, in which patients act out events from their past. “I always thought that work should be done when times were bad, but in fact work should be done when things were good,” she said. “The work has to be done consistently. It will never be fixed or fully cured, but I’m okay with that, and that’s the difference.”
Delevingne said she prioritizes her health by going outside, exercising, meditating and doing yoga, among other forms of self-care.
“This process obviously has its ups and downs, but I’ve started to realize so much,” she said. “People want my story to be this after-school special where I’m just like, ‘Oh look, I was addicted, and now I’m sober and that’s it.’ And it’s not as simple as It doesn’t happen overnight… Of course I want things to be instantaneous – I think this generation in particular, we want things to happen quickly – but I had to dig deeper .
Delevingne opened up about her upbringing, including first getting drunk at a family wedding when she was 7. By the age of 10, she was a model, but also took prescription sleeping pills to manage insomnia. She was later diagnosed with dyspraxia, a disorder that affects movement and coordination, noting that it was “the start of mental health issues and inadvertent self-harm”. She tried many forms of therapy but continued to struggle, suffering from depression at age 15 when she was put on antidepressants which she says “saved my life”.
“I hadn’t discovered the fucking hole inside, the real whirlpool inside,” she said. “And I still think there’s a part of the diagnosis and the labeling that is damaging. There have been so many times that I’ve been encouraged to take this or be put on that.” Now, “I’m more of a naturalist, a purist in a way, when it comes to drugs.”
Delevingne identifies the start of his more recent COVID lockdown denouement. She began quarantine with her girlfriend of two years, Ashley Benson, in March 2020 but they separated the following month.
“And then I was alone, really alone … it was a low point,” she says. “I just had a complete existential crisis. All of my sense of belonging, all of my validation — my identity, everything — was so taken up with work. And when that went away, I felt like I didn’t I had more purpose. Instead of taking the time to really learn something new or do something new, I was very absorbed in misery, wallowing and partying. It was a really sad time.
When the world reopened, Hulu’s docuseries host planet sex continued to struggle, recalling a low point of getting “black-out” drunk at Met Gala after-parties last year.
As she sought help last fall, she said she was supported by her many friends, who told her she deserved “a chance to have some joy” in her life. . Selena Gomez, Phoebe Waller-Bridge, Margot Robbie and Sienna Miller were among those interviewed for the article.
Delevingne also opened up about the support of his girlfriend of one year, Leah Mason, a musician who performs under the name Minke. She admitted that his behavior impacted their relationship and Mason “wasn’t going to have it much longer.” The couple marked Delevingne’s first sober vacation together. She said they were together in Utah, “just the two of us”, and as she lay in bed at 12:15 a.m. on New Years Day, she had “the best time”.
Of her partner, she said, “It’s the first time I’ve felt like I’ve been in a relationship without trying to save someone.”
Delevingne, who says she is “calmer” and “more tranquil” these days, said she was taking life “second by second”. And with a clear mind, she thinks about her future, including pursuing her dream of having children (she plans to freeze her eggs). She’s also considering removing her many tattoos, calling it all a “new beginning” amid “new beginnings.”
If you or someone you know is struggling with an addiction, contact the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration’s Treatment Helpline at 800-662-HELP (4357)